Today I’ve been reading back on some old blog posts and remembering my journey over the last couple of years with depression and chronic fatigue. It’s so strange to read back and remember the days I wrote each post and the feelings. And it’s interesting to see what a roller coaster it has been and how my mood went up and down.
Today has been a crap one. The children are in nursery and I have the day to myself, and if I am completely honest it’s my favourite day of the week as I can do nothing without feeling guilty that the children are suffering from it.
The last two weeks have seen me sleeping an incredible amount of hours in a day, though, and I’m really feeling low about it. And the housework is suffering and my husband is struggling. Today I dropped the children at nursery, wen back to bed and didn’t get up until two. Two!! So I basically slept the day away, and probably could have stayed in bed longer too.
It’s so tough to see the light at the end of such a long and dark tunnel and I’m fed up of feeling better and having hope, only for it to be dashed. It’s day like this I wonder if things can ever change. I couldn’t even be bothered to put a bra on for crying out loud!
My headaches are worse than ever at the moment, quite often I feel like my head is in a vice. I’m finding myself tripping over words and stammering and another pleasant side effect of it all is my left eye has started twitching. So I’m bra-less, makeup-less with a twitching eye. Goodness knows what the workers at nursery think when I drop the kids off on a morning!
It’s all part and parcel of the joy that is chronic fatigue. I just wish it would let up a little and let me get back to enjoying my time with my children. Miss H starts school in September and I feel like all I’ve done is wish her young days away. Sometimes life just feels so bloody unfair.