For a while now things have been pretty tough. I thought at first I was coping, but then it gradually dawned on me that in fact I was not. I would lay in bed listening to the child crying for me on a morning, unable to drag myself from under the covers. I would find myself sat on the sofa most of the day, with no energy to play, interact and teach. I would offer easy meals and often not eat myself as I couldn’t find the enthusiasm to make a proper meal. And I had so much guilt over this I couldn’t bear it.
Recently though, things have seemed a little brighter. I have started regular counselling and begun taking anti-depressants, so this has of course helped. But the saving grace for me has been blogging. In April I attended my first blogging event, and since then I haven’t looked back. I have now been to several events and they have become my sanity. The things I look forward to most. The place where I can be myself, not just mummy. The place where I have gained friends who know, who understand. I have found myself laughing again, being silly and feeling part of something.
So here are a few words to you, ladies. Thank you.
It’s a long dark path
Straight, barren, never ending road
I trudge hopelessly
Dragging my feet as I go
All around is a mist
So dense I feel trapped
Like a spiders web all around me
Has me tightly wrapped
|Just a few of the many bloggers I have met|
In the distance I can sense
Two little hands reaching for me
They need my help
But I can’t even find me
A light appears
Just a glimmer at first
Then gradually becomes more clear
A flicker, a sparkle
That helps me to cross
And find the road back home
To find what I thought I’d lost
Next weekend I am attending Britmums Live where I cannot wait to meet so many bloggers who I call friends.