I have blogged on and off for almost two years now (my first post was dreadful and still makes me cringe!) and in that time I’ve written 244 posts, met many online friends and discovered lots of great blogs. Yet in all that time I still feel new. I still feel insecure about my blog and whether anyone is interested in it. Sometimes I tweet and get no replies, which makes me wonder if I’m just talking to myself. There are so many huge blogs out there, bloggers with thousands of followers who get hundreds of tweets sent to them, offers of great products and have a readership which I could never imagine.
Call me shallow, but I am envious of those bloggers. I am sure it hasn’t come overnight and they’ve worked very hard to establish those readers and followers, but to me it just seems that I am not as good. I read so many great blogs and try so hard to write words just as powerful, just as interesting or just as funny. I never feel like I succeed at any of those things, though, and I increasingly feel like a very small fish in an extremely large ocean.
So then I get to thinking, why do I bother? Why waste my time blogging when I could be spending time with my children, reading or doing other things I love? Why talk to an empty room?
However the last week has made me rethink things a little. A fellow blogger lost her little girl. It sent shockwaves through the blogging community and I think we all took a step back and considered what we would do in that situation. A few days after it happened the blogger tweeted that she was looking back on her old blog posts and remembering her little girl through those posts. That’s when I realised how important my blogging is to me. It is a way for me to keep each day alive, a memory. One day when my children are older I will be able to show them what we did and they will be able to understand just how much I love and cherish them.
So I have decided to make more of an effort to record my babies and their lives, even it is mundane. Even if it is soppy. Even if I think nobody is reading. If I keep in mind the reason I blog, every time I touch the keys I will realise why I bother.