I love my bed. There I said it.
In my family it is a well-known fact that I am a big sleeper. I slept through from six weeks, throughout my schools days my mum would curse me as I dragged myself out of bed at the last minute and as an adult I literally can get up and be ready to leave the house in five minutes, not willing to leave the comfort and warmth for a little more time to gathe myself together. During my first pregnancy I would have about fourteen hours sleep a day (of course, I wasn’t working at this time or this wouldn’t have been possible!) and still have to wake myself in the morning to get up.
So when I fell pregnant with Little H it was a huge concern of mine how I would deal with a significant reduction in my sleep. I actually surprised myself, I think you just get on with because you have to, and I always tried to nap when she did. However the second time around it was more difficult to find time to rest as I had H to look after and I did find the tiredness hard. However nothing has prepared me for how tired I would be looking after two under two years and still getting broken sleep seven months down the line!
I managed the only way I could – still napping when they did. Whilst other stay at home mums were catching up with housework, taking a break for themselves or undertaking other important tasks, I was sleeping. I found if I didn’t I was no good for the kids in the afternoon. I would be too tired to do much with them and often snappy with little patience. It worked for us.
That’s not to say that I didn’t feel guilty about it. It’s accepted that with a newborn you should try and sleep when they do. But when your child is seven months old its not quite the same. I definitely felt like I should be downstairs doing jobs, cooking tea and whatever else is expected of me whilst I am not working.
Baby J is just sleeping through (by about two weeks) and so I am only now just getting a full nights sleep, however I am finding myself still tired. And still napping. My tired brain which is now in a habit of getting an hour or two in the afternoon cannot cope without it. And neither can me, my sanity and therefore my kids.
However I do feel very guilty about it. Guilty for the amount of time I spend in bed, for one thing – I feel like I sleep my life away! Guilty that I’m not getting on with jobs I should be doing whilst Mr H is at work himself. Guilty that even though I have those naps I am still so damn tired all the time. I keep wondering if it is normal to need this much sleep and be this tired?
I just hope neither of my children have inherited this trait. At the moment H sleeps well and always has, but doesn’t always want to go to bed – I think that’s normal for any child though! Baby J sleeps when he eventually goes down, but has always fought it and often screams his head off before he finally gives up the ghost.