Last September John and I found out that we were expecting number two. Considering it took us four years to conceive Holly there was certainly no way we expected to fall on so quickly, despite me being unable to resist taking a test every month (we should own shares in Clearblue, I swear)! Last week we found out that in May, aged eighteen months herself, Holly will have a little brother. We are of course extremely excited that we are exacting our second child. At one point we thought we’d never have a baby ourselves so to have two is incredible to us, and to have one of each is just a gift. That is not to say that the thought of having two children under the age of two is ever so slightly intimidating and as our due date grows closer and closer (and my bump grows huger and huger) panic is starting to slowly creep in. How will I cope with the sleepless nights again, knowing I will then have to get up in the morning and be there for Holly? How will I divide myself equally between my two children? Will Holly resent her little brother for taking away so much of Mummy and Daddy’s attention that she has always had all to herself?
Of late I have been having more than the odd meltdown. Things are gradually getting tougher and tougher as I become more pregnant, worn out and finding things harder to do on my own, and Baby Boy isn’t even here yet! Just getting Holly out of the cot on a morning, or carrying her up and down the stairs, makes me out of breath and I’m only just past the half way mark! I have been chatting to other Mums in a similar situation, and at least have the comfort that I’m not alone. “I’m worried that *** will feel neglected. I love how affectionate he is towards me and I don’t want our bond to be affected” one Mummy writes. “I’m so nervous about the early days/weeks/months….How I will manage with a demanding/clingy 1 year old & a new baby?!” questions another. Just lately I have been having terrible dreams about not being able to cope, obviously my mind cannot even stop worrying whilst I am asleep!
I guess I just have to look at the positives, being so close in age I hope Holly and her brother will grow up to be great friends. The thought has also occurred to me that at least I’ll have to nappy and bottle stage out of the way at once, rather than just getting out of those routines, only to be thrown back into them again! At the end of the day I will have no choice but to just get on with things and hope I don’t drown in a pile of dirty nappies and sick-covered clothes whilst carrying the bruises of various toys been thrown at my head! Most importantly, though, our little nest will be complete and John and I will have the family we always dreamed of. This is the thought that gets me through the hard days, that or a smile from my beautiful girl.